The Murray Files

Discussing Andy Murray's quest for a grand slam title.

Archive for May 2011

Andy Murray – Scottish Hero

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Andy Murray played what can only be described as the greatest clay court match of all time today.

Murray to win at Roland Garros.

You heard it here first.


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31/05/2011 at 6:22 pm

“The Streak”

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I’m not naming names, but just airing a few of what i might consider to be potential concerns.

1) lactose-intolerant

2) looks gaunt

3) more energy than ever

4) isn’t that good to begin with

5) saved by bad light in 3rd round which is similar to asking for a doctor

I wish I could be more specific but we’ve already got the Ethics Committee on our tails due to Alex’s outrageous spending habits to secure interviews.

Stay tuned though. I’m going underground.

Tennis Doctor


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30/05/2011 at 5:27 am

All this talk of getting older…

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28 consecutive grand-slam quarter-finals is very very good, I’m sure you’ll agree?

Can’t wait to play that lactose-intolerant mofo.

The drugs don’t work, they just make you worse…..


Tennis Doctor


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29/05/2011 at 9:30 pm

Interview with Marion Bartoli – Part 2

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I caught up with my favourite French belle at the Heartbreak and Hound restaurant in Marseille.

It took me about 14 hours to get there because of flight delays.  In the end I had to slum it on a coach sitting next to a man named Bernard who had some rather interesting ideas regarding UFO’s and evolution; and who every 15 minutes kept blurting out the words:

“Where’s my monkey? Has anyone seen my monkey?”

The blue coast is one of the most spectacular places on earth and for my money there’s nowhere else on the planet that I would rather sit and enjoy a can or beer and watch the sunset.

Marion was running late (again) so I ordered a pitcher of bud and watched the beautiful sunset.  I considered writing some poetry, but thought better of it when I remembered how pretentious that would be.

Marion eventually rolled in 35 minutes late.

Hi Marion, it’s lovely to see you again


I know things were a bit frosty between us last time, so thanks for me meeting me again


Right.  So, you’re doing great at the french this year, do you think you can go all the way

don’t know

I hope you can. You show all females out there that you don’t have to be a super fit athlete to get to the top.


I just..


Sorry, did you say…



Where’s my wine?

Marion, are you alright?


Right, so…

Let’s order some brie

Fine.  Marion, my offer to help is still on the table, you know I could make you great.


But Marion, you’re being silly


Right, that’s it.  We’re through, you can forget your chances of winning at Rolland Garros, I predict a quarter final exit.  How do you like that Marion? Mmm?

At this point I terminated the interview.  Marion is starting to get on my nerves. I love her Frenchness, but sometimes she can be a real pain in the arse.

I picked up the bill again, 90 euros. What a rip off.  I’m going back to Falkirk.

Tennis drills

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Just a tip for some of the rookie British players.

Tell your trainer that you want to focus 2 entire days of training per week on drop shots.

Do this for a minimum of 1 year, and by the end of that year you will be a drop shot expert, feared by all the top players.

The following year you can return to a rookie schedule, but mark my words those drop shot lessons will see you crash into the worlds top 10 in no time.


Written by The Murray Files

28/05/2011 at 6:46 am

Aaaah! My streak…I MEAN MY LEG!

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Mats Wilander won eight grand slam titles.  Stefan Edberg won six.  Jim Courier even won a few.  Andy Murray hasn’t but he’ll definitely have at least one more chance in his life.  Novak Djokovic isn’t the real deal and will not be a factor two Sundays from now.

These are a few simple facts from the Tennis Doctor.

More facts?  If you dream the outcome of a match, put money on it – it will happen.

Contact me if you want insight into the world of professional tennis.

If you’re reading this post and wearing a white jumper with oversized arms which are tied together around your back, contact Alex.  He is the same as you.

Written by The Murray Files

26/05/2011 at 5:32 pm

British Tennis is back!

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With a bang.

Baltacha through to the next round – Yass

Watson through to the next round – Yass

Get in.

British tennis is back.


Watson was trained in America, and Baltacha is a Scot who is just to f**king stubborn to give in.  Where are the rest of the British players (Murray aside of course)?  I’ll tell you where, there on “no desire street” and “spoiled avenue”.  Far to many of these “Players” have no heart.

Want to know Watson’s regime in America, here it is…roughly:

get up a 6am an play tennis until 10:00, fitness until 11:00 and then lunch between 11:00 and 12:00.  From 12:00 to 4pm it was school studies.  From 4pm to 6pm it was more tennis.6pm to 7:00 dinner.  Then it was 7pm to 9pm tennis and fitness.  Then study and bed.

Repeat every day, 6 days a week, for 6-7 years.  Only then can you consider calling yourself a player.

Players in Britain don’t have the motivation to do this, and that’s why we haven’t won a grand slam since the 70’s (in singles anyway).

Well, rant over.

My tennis academy is still accepting applications.  I will show the world the real tennis way, and it will be good.

oh yes.