The Murray Files

Discussing Andy Murray's quest for a grand slam title.

Archive for June 2011

Interview with Andrea Corr

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Andrea Corr - Sex Bomb

Andrea Corr is easily the most attractive woman that Ireland has ever produced.

That’s acknowledged by everyone, but what a lot of people don’t know is that she’s a singer too.

I decided to meet her at “The Four burps Dino Rapter Shin-Dig” in Stranraer.

Hi Andrea, it’s been too long, how’ve you been?

I’ve been great, it really has been too long

I want to talk about your solo work, cool?

Sure

I think it’s a disgrace what happened to you.  You produced a record of such inspiration and quality that it beggars belief that it wasn’t a bigger commercial success. “Ten Feet high” is maybe the most important record that has been produced in the last 400 years.

I would rate it higher than Symphony number 25 by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.  I would rate it higher than Mellon Collie and the infinite sadness by the Smashing pumpkins.  I would rate it higher than London Calling by the Clash. I would rate it higher than the it girl by Sleeper.

Bottom line? It’s better than any other album, or EP ever written. It’s even better than a local Glasgow band I know called the Musicians of Bremen. And that’s saying something.

Andrea, the track names are even great: “Hello Boys”, “Stupidest Girl in the world”, “Amazing” from the japenese bonus track.

They’re all so great.

Andrea, did I ever tell you that I had a poster of you above my bed?

No you didn’t mention that.

Andrea, that’s all we’ve got time for.

At this point I terminated the interview.

Andrea Corr.

Corr Blimey!

Written by The Murray Files

30/06/2011 at 8:52 pm

Hubble Bubble toil and trouble…

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I’ve decided that I’m going to try and cast a spell or two.  Just good luck charms and stuff, nothing sinister.

Anything to help Andy Murray win against Nadal tomorrow.

I’m sort of a “the ends justify the means” kind of guy, so if that means I have to use a littel Wiccan magic to help him, then so be it.

Let’s all cross our fingers too.

Written by The Murray Files

30/06/2011 at 8:14 pm

Interview with Adrianne Palicki

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About 3 days ago I got a phone call from legendary Falkirk based producer Jeremy Slapthunder. It was about 2am and I was microwaving some brownies in preparation for the scoop of walls ice cream I was about to deposit on top, when the phone call came in.

Jeremy was in a panic.  He was supposed to go and interview the new actress playing Wonderwoman in the upcoming new series of the show, some chick called Adrianne Palicki.  Never heard of her personally, but he was in a fluster.  He explained that instead of doing his prep work for the interview that he’d gone out to a Falkirk strip joint called the Hungry Beaver and had stayed there for about 10 hours.

Sure enough, he needed me to do the interview.  Jeremy knows I’m a pro, and that even with as little prep time such as this I can still deliver the goods.

I arranged to meet Adrianne Palicki at the Aucune racaille sausage and eggs dining experience in Partick Glasgow.

Just after writing the above I have just seen a picture of Adrianne Palicki and let me tell you she is top drawer.

Adrianne called to say that she was running a little late so I ordered up a round of Diesel twists (that’s a snakebite with a tequila chaser).

Hi Adrianne, lovely to meet you.

You too Alex, Jeremy says your the best journalist in Scotland

Stop it Adrianne you’re making me blush.

That’s what I hear.

Adrianne and I settled into a nice pattern of chat and drinking.  We got up for a couple of dances and were having a lovely old time.

So Adrianne, you’re playing Wonderwoman in the reboot of the series.  Enjoy it?

Yeah, it’s great.  Just great fun with an awesome cast and crew.

I’m actually writing my own film at the moment

Really

Yeah, it’s about a Superhero from Falkirk

Sounds interesting, tell me more

Basically, there’s this girl, she’s about your height and build and same colour hair, called Ingrid Sleet.  She’s a shoe clerk working in Primark, when one day a mad scientist runs into the store  and inject her with this potion.  From there she develops superpowers like she can fly, run really quickly and has super strength.

Wow, and who’s the baddy?

No one, she basically just gets on with her life. Sort of a twist on the superhero genre.

Interesting.

Mmm.

Any actress in mind for the lead role?

I was thinking about Paula Abdul, but I think she’s busy.  Can you think of anyone who could play the part?

How about me?

Really. That would be wonderful.  Audition is 9am tomorrow at the Riveria Room of the Falkirk Slamputt Hotel.

Excellent, I’ll see you there.

Bring your wonder woman costume.

What?

I said… we’ll have a costume artist on set to show you what the design will be of the superhero look.

Ok.

Ok.

Fancy another dance?

You asking?

Yeah

Then I’m dancing.

Adrianne and I danced for a couple more hours, then I sent her back to her hotel.

Looking forward to shooting my new movie, it’ll be fun, thinking of calling it:

The revenge of Crystal Baker, the ordinary shoe clerk from Falkirk who gets superpowers one day.

Kind of thrifty don’t you think.

Cheque please…

A lot of people ask me…

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What me favourite cheese is.

Well I’ll tell you.

It’s Chedarski.

A type of Polish cheese.

I hope that puts this rather ugly issue to bed once and for all.

Written by The Murray Files

24/06/2011 at 6:14 pm

This is how to make a tennis player better…

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I’m going to offer the following service, for a small fee, to all tennis players out there.

I will write a review of their careers as if it was the end of their careers.  So, it would be my take on what the next ten years of their career would be.  For example, I’ll show you what I mean by doing this for young British starlet Laura Robson, and for the pupose of this example, I will stick to grand slams:

2012

  • Australian Open – 2nd Round
  • French Open – Withdraws with an injury
  • Wimbledon – 3rd Round
  • US Open – 2nd Round

2013

  • Australian Open – 2nd Round
  • French Open – 2nd Round
  • Wimbledon – 4th Round
  • US Open – 4th Round
2014
  • Australian Open – Quarter finals
  • French Open – Quarter Finals
  • Wimbledon – Final
  • US Open – Semi Final
2015
  • Australian Open – Win
  • French Open – Semi
  • Wimbledon – Final
  • US Open – Win
2016
  • Australian Open – Win
  • French Open – Win
  • Wimbledon – Win
  • US Open – 1st Round
2017
  • Australian Open – Win
  • French Open – 1st Round
  • Wimbledon – Win
  • US Open – Win
2018
  • Australian Open – Win
  • French Open – Win
  • Wimbledon – Win
  • US Open – Win
2019
Retires to become a TV presenter.
So, there you have it.  That could be Laura’s Career.  She should look at this list and say, ho, I can win more than that, this list should push her on to become the player she can be, the player to rival even the great Paulette Virginia Wadea Barker Hingisea from Falkirk (who won the Falkirk South Trophy a record 15 times).
That’s it.
Stop reading now.

I charm thee Sir Alex of Falkirk

Written by The Murray Files

22/06/2011 at 9:35 pm

Kim Sears – Groove agent

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Could kim’s beauty and charms be the answer to Murray and Robson winning Wimbers respectively?

I think she could.

Go Kim, go kim, You’ve got skills and you don’t shrill

Go Kim.

Written by The Murray Files

22/06/2011 at 5:37 pm

Not too good…

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If I hear the tennis commentators at Wimbledon say “too good” one more time, I think I might scream.

Written by The Murray Files

22/06/2011 at 5:34 pm