The Murray Files

Discussing Andy Murray's quest for a grand slam title.

Posts Tagged ‘Andy Murray

Invention hour

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Last night on my popular radio programme, “Innovating for the future”, I discussed the possibility of building a spaceship with a warp drive.

My guest on the show was Honey Miniver, she’s a model and actress from Falkirk, but she told me she got a C in physics in school, so I invited her on to lend her expertise.

I’m not here to apologise again for last night, it happened, both Honey and I are sorry.  If we’d known the microphone had still been turned on then… anyway, never mind I don’t want to talk about that anymore.

Back to the warp drive.

Here’s the equation for my idea:

x = Mc2 // + two hamsters, 1 goat, four candles, and 1 game of mariokart

It’s complex stuff, I don’t expect any you normal people,idiots, uneducated, unschooled, not-that-bright people, the average murray file reader in other words, no offense, to understand this concept.  All you have to understand is that my spaceship idea is awesome.

It will only take 24 years to build and when complete, it will be able to travel to Alpha Centuri in under 10 minutes.

Don’t take my word for it; remember Honey’s words from the show last night:

“Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, oh you’re amazing”

Well, that certainly is high praise. But it’s no less than I deserve.  I might be the greatest person in Scotland’s central belt.

Who I am kidding?

There’s no ‘might’ about it.


Written by The Murray Files

13/08/2011 at 12:59 pm

Murray – The gillette advertising deal is no closer…

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And do you know what? That’s good.  You heard me, I said good.  Who does David Lloyd think he is?

Andy Murray is a hero!  He could come out on court wearing a tie dye t-shirt, smoking a fat one and singing loser by beck, and he would still be a winner.

Andy Murray is a multi millionaire, great playstation gamer and a pretty good tennis player.

As long as there is a hole in my arse I will support Andy Murray.

For Scotland!

For Falkirk!

For Murray!

Written by The Murray Files

06/07/2011 at 8:25 pm

Hubble Bubble toil and trouble…

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I’ve decided that I’m going to try and cast a spell or two.  Just good luck charms and stuff, nothing sinister.

Anything to help Andy Murray win against Nadal tomorrow.

I’m sort of a “the ends justify the means” kind of guy, so if that means I have to use a littel Wiccan magic to help him, then so be it.

Let’s all cross our fingers too.

Written by The Murray Files

30/06/2011 at 8:14 pm

What a scoop!! Interview with Anna Torv!

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I'm in fringe you know

So, what is the best continent in the world? Easy, it’s Australia, the home of everything.

Who is the most wonderful person from that continent? Easy, it’s Anna Torv, the beautiful, stunning, amazing, wonderful, wonder, awesome, babe that is the star of hit show “Fringe” (you have so heard of it).

I caught up with the most attractive girl in the southern hemisphere at the “Can you smell carrots? Snowman’s pickles and crackers diner” in Longyearbyen on Svalbard.

I don’t mind telling you that it’s a fucking nightmare getting there, after a 5 hour flight from Glasgow to Svalbard airport, I was forced to take a snow mobile ride, that lasted 6 hours to get to the town.  It was very cold, and even though I was wearing 3 pairs of socks, I honestly felt like my bollocks and my toes were going to freeze off.

When I finally arrived, I headed straight for the hotel I was meeting her in, the “Radison blue polar hotel”. I saw Anna sitting at a table, I nodded a hello, but breezed straight past her to the bar and ordered a double dutch (that’s two straight vodka’s to you) and downed them in one. Feeling warmed up I headed over to speak with my antipodean beauty.

So Anna, why the hell did you choose Svalbard to meet, I’m freezing?

It’s nice to see you too Alex.

I’m sorry honey, it’s just, we could have gone out in Falkrik for half the price

I like it hear. It’s earthy.


No, I mean it, when I take a walk around here I feel at peace…

Anna, I think Fringe is crackin

Right, yeah, thanks…

Peter’s gone?

He’s just an actor Alex, his name’s actually Joshua, and he’s still here, he’ll actually be back for season 4


I got married you know.

I know.

I sometimes wish…

Don’t Anna

At this point I terminated the interview. Anna is amazing…

nevermind, time for a drinking song, ahem:

I drink to make me stable

At least I think it makes me able

To function a little with the best of them

So, it’s psychic bullshit and late night phone in’s

Forgetting work, and lots of long lie in’s

Goodbye to life and hello to forever

Because in Svalbard, I feel better

Final Part of the Interview with Natalie Cordova

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Natalie talks us through the perfect interview techniques. It’s not easy winning tournament after tournament you know, autographs can be taxing…

Written by The Murray Files

12/06/2011 at 11:42 am

Interview with Natalie Cordova – Part 3

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Next part of my interview with the Falkirk legend, Natalie Cordova…

Written by The Murray Files

11/06/2011 at 12:47 pm

Interview with Natalie Cordova – Part 1

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Women’s game in trouble you say doc?

Well maybe this little belle from Falkirk holds the key to its reinvigoration.

I finally got my interview with up and comer Natalie Cordova.

This is part 1 of my interview filmed a couple of weeks ago. The next two parts will follow shortly.

She’s quite a girl, as you’re about to see…