Interview with Scarlett Johansson

I'm lost... In Falkirk

I caught up with Scarlett Johansson at the Orchard Hotel Bar and Bistro in Falkirk Town centre.  At only £45 a night for single en suite, you’ll be hard pushed to find anywhere in central Scotland that offers you better value.

I got into to Falkirk at around 2pm and checked into my room.   The interview wasn’t until 8:30 pm that night, so I had a little time to kill.  I popped into the “Ministry of Booze”on Weir street and got myself 6 cans of stella.  The masters was on, and so I went back to my room and got tucked into my carry out.

After I’d finished the beers I was feeling a little peckish, so around 5pm I headed out into falkirk to get some scran.  I found a place called the wheelhouse.  There were two things that showed me this was a classy joint.  (1) they did chilli burgers (2) they had leffe on tap.

At around 8pm, I had headed back to my room.  I toyed with the idea of grabbing a quick power nap, but I’ve learned the hard way that after your 8th beer, even with the best of intentions a power nap can quickly turn into a 7 hour dreamless sleep.  So, I chucked on some aftershave, brushed my teeth, put on some lynx and headed downstairs.

Scarlett was running late, so I got a quick Gin and Tonic to help me get refreshed.  10 Minutes late, Scarlett strode in to meet me.  She was wearing a figure hugging red dress and she was easily one of the most attractive woman in the Orchard Bistro that night.

So Scarlett, who’s dress are you wearing?

It’s a Versace.  I got it for lost in translation.

It looks really good.

Thanks, I love…

Shows off your curves.

Right

Well.  Formalities out of the way.  Who do you think is going to win on the clay in a couple of weeks?

Isn’t it starting next week?

Whenever.

I don’t know, maybe Melzer.  He’s got a great all round game.  It could be him.

Nah.

who do you think will win.

Andy Murray.

Have you been drinking?

No.

What’s that in your hand?

A pen.

In your other hand

A lemonade.  Anyway, back to you.  You were looking pretty smoking as the black widow.  Did you enjoy the part?

It was cool.

Listen, sorry Scarlett, I’m feeling a little beat. Gonna wrap this up and head back to my room.  I’ve got a couple of cans on the go in the mini fridge, if you’re interested?

What! I flew in from New York for this.

Yeah, well, what are you gonna do.

At this point I terminated the interview.  Scarlett is foxy, but I’m feeling pretty knackered after my day out in Falkirk.

Back to the room to eat a wee  bit of cheesecake and watch match of the day.