Interview with Olivia Wilde

I was talking to Isobel hornswaggle, the legendary producer responsible for the short lived reality TV show “From Strippers to cops”.  She was telling me that she saw Olivia Wilde recently on the set of her Movie, “Get away from my monkey punk” and that Olivia had expressed a desire for me to interview her.

I want lie to you, Olivia is on my celebrity list, so the chance to swap stories with her was one I couldn’t turn down.  I instructed Isobel to set up the “meet” and I headed into Falkirk city centre’s west side to get myself fitted for a custom tux and a new pair of shoes.

I popped in to Gina’s Suit’s and Slippers Emporium and was given the star treatment.  It truly is a 6 star shopping experience.  On entry, a beautyqueen called Glenda takes your coat and offers you a glass of wine, which I took.  I was seated by work experience student Belinda, and had my feet massaged for two hours.  It was then off to suit fitting.  It took under 2 hours for the fitting.  They even played my favouite song, on repeat, “shake that boogey” by “Gold fluff and the wondermuff”.

Feeling suitably done-up and a little tipsy, I proceeded to the restaurant.

Olivia called to say that she was running late, so I went to the bar and ordered a tray of shots, tequilla, and brought them over the table.

The next day I woke up in a hotel room.  I didn’t really remember how I got there.  Voicemail from Olivia, I’m not sure if I met her or not last night.

Maybe we had a great time? Maybe we didn’t.

Anything is possible… in Falkirk

The Nintendo Entertainment System

First released in 1985 (86 in Europe), this was a console, no the console, that revolutionised  gaming as we know it.

Prior to the NES, there was a stigma that hung over gamers like a bad smell.  But post NES, geek became chic.

Metroid, 10 yard fight.

I can’t be bothered writing this article anymore, suffice it to say, NES rocks.

Stay tuned for the SNES follow up.

Feeling down on the upside…

I was chatting today with music know-it-all and general big cheese, Vesper Conrad.   Vesper is originally from Alaska, and has over 7 stories he can tell you about snow.

It was 3pm Uk time, which meant it was about 9am Alaska time.  Vesper was panicking, he was involved in a pub quiz (he’s a big drinker) and was struggling with a question:

“Which pioneering Uk indie band released the single “Stutter” in 1995?”

Vesper was stumped.  There was a case of tenants super up for grabs, so the stakes were high.  That’s why he called me, the guy you go to when the stakes are this high. I’m the go to guy, the guy in the know.  The guy that Music Mogul Magazine once called “Man of the year…In Kelvindale”.

I knew the answer, of course I did.  I even knew that the lead singer of the band, Justine Frischmann, used to date Damon Albarn from Blur.

It was Elastica.

I immediately heard the relief in Vesper’s voice.  His call had come at a price, he was now in my debt, and he knew it.  His close relationship with Britney spears might come in handy, she’s been ducking me for an interview for years.  Time to pay the piper.

As I said to Vesper as I slammed down the phone on my marble desk:

“On the street, a favour can kill you quicker than a bullet”

Music